I'm going to start this with a song:

''It was just another story written on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on the bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know


Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score... ''

-Blaine Larson - How do you get that lonely.

No-one knows.
No-one ever knows exactly why. That's why this song is so appropriate. Because the tugers football score...to others it seems insignificant.
He was eighteen.
No one knows why. Apart from his mum. Who found him. Hanging from a tree in their back garden.

R.I.P JOSH BRAND.
17/02/2008

Tatoos.
Avenged Sevenfold.
Ciggerettes.

These are the things that will keep your memory forever on this earth.
May you be happier where you are now.
And fuck all the little emo's who say ''Oh my god my life sucks i'm gunna kill myself''And cut their arm once for attention. If they really were depressed, they would go about boasting it. And they wouldnt pretend to kill themselves. I'm gunna smack the next fucking emo who pretends to be depressed. Unless they have mental problems obvs. But no attention seekers.

Cause Josh mate, you meant it. You did it. We miss you. Sometimes when a person spends all their time making others happy no-one notices their upset.

Rock on buddy.

xxx

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Abbey
2. Pidgeon
3. Private Lampshade (Private Parts More Like) ......don't ask!

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Listened to music
2. Done Assigments
3. Looked for houses

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My ability of coping
3. My height!!!

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My skin
2. Something i cant get rid of
3. My eyesight

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. English
2. Irish
3. That;'s it, get over it

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Needles
2. Being kicked out of my house
3. Having no where to live

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. College Shirt
2. College Trousers
3. DC's

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. Ben
3. Friends

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. Phone
2. MP3
3. Lighter

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Stone Sour!!!!!!!!!
2. Hollywood undead.
3. Fightstar

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Just Ben in general
2. Not being anywhere near my dad
3. Music

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Bleeding love - Leona Lewis
2. Hero - Nickleback
3. Hollywood Undead - Circles

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Moving out
2. Finishing all my assigments!
3. Stop smoking

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. A certain person who influenced my life.
2. Doing something I shouldnt have that will now never go
3. -

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Honesty
2. Connection
3. Sex

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
1. This quiz
2. Artwork
3. Appreciation for music

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in order):
1. Dougnuts have more fun thatn raisens
2. Im on the radio tomro! 6 o clock! Music control! Listen!
3. I'm straight

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Every single feature about Ben cause hes so damn hot
2. Eyes
3. ERm....need I say it?


THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Caring
2. Honest
3. Funny

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Stop playing music permanantly
2. Wait to move out
3. Save my money

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Connections i had with some people
2. Lying in, not being kicked out the morning at 8
3. Being too young to have to work

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. A house
2. A car
3. A house ffs!

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. People ive met
2. Situations ive had to learn to deal with
3. Friends

THREE OF YOU YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Music
2. Getting stoned with Ben
3. More music

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Sleep
2. Be with Ben
3. Smoke

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Police Officer
2. Police Officer
3. Police Officer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Anywhere thats not my house
2. DEvon
3. Ireland

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Ive done pretty much everything apart from live by myself!
2. Heal
3. Meet Jerad Leto

THERE HAS TO BE SUN FOR THERE TO BE A SHADOW

1. Complete name?
Abigail Cordelia Coleman

2. Why do you have that name?
iunno. aparently abigail means ''father joy'' haha. haha. no.

3. Do you wish something to the starts?
nope

4. When was the last time you cried?
cant remember

5. Do you like your handwritting?
heeel no

6. What do you eat bread with?
most things? lol

7. Who do you like?
my bf. usually.

8. Do you think he/she likes you?
lol well yes

9. If you were another person, would you be your friend?
yeah but ide get pissed off with myself for being so stuborn and not listening to me

10. Do you have a diary?
yes. well its more a BOOK OF EVERYTHING which i take everywhere, not really a diary lol

11. Are you sarcastic?
duh.

12. Would you do bungee jumping?
hell yeah!

13. What is your favourite cereal brand?
mmm....dunoo

14. Do you unfasten your trainers before putting them out?
yeah

15. Do you think you're strong?
nope lol

16. What's your favourite ice-cream flavour?
anything XD I love ice cream!!!

17. What is your shoes size?
3. sometimes 2.

18. Red or pink?
PINK!

19. What's the thing you hate about you?
my skin lol and myslef being so stubborn lol

20. Who do you miss a lot?
erm...lots of people...my brother...carlos....steve...James right now.

21. Would you like all the people tagged by you to answer?
dont mind

22. What are you wearing right now?
just t shirt and jeans. but i met this guy today with THE coolest trousers ever and i want them

23. What is the last thing you eated today?
choc orange buscuits

24. What are you listening to right now?
gym class heroes - [[dunno song]]

25. Who is the last person you talked with by telephone?
nathun

26. What's your favourite drink?
milk.. or advocat

27. What is your favourite sport to watch in the TV?
none lol

28. What's your favourite food?
cheese on crackers

29. Would you prefer a terror movie, or a movie with a happy end?
terror..well depends on my mood

30. What was the last movie you watched in the cinema and who did you watched it with?
Harry Potter - with mates n bf

31. What are your favourite days in the year?
my bday

32. Summer or winter?
Both!!!!

33. Kisses or hugs?
depends who and how horny u r at the time lol

34. Favourite dessert?
dont know

35. Who do you think will answer the tag?
nobody

36. Who do you think won't answer this tag?
everyone

37. What book are you reading?
lol i cant remeber its name

38. What is hanging on your wall?
paintings, posters, guitar, tshirts, dart board

39. What did you watch in the TV last night?
nothing lol

40. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
beatles

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Wonderful Watchers:


Clubs:
:Iconemo-club:

THERE HAS TO BE SUN FOR THERE TO BE A SHADOW

Yesterday I was thinking. *shock bloody horror!* And decided, as vain as it may sound, i'm actually quite proud of myself. For my ability to get through things, whatever they are. Cause I just tend to get on with things. Ok, it might seem a little like I dont have a heart, or any feelings, but hell I do, just aseveryone else does.

And it seems, every relationship I seem to care less with now, cause i was getting more used to getting hurt. But then I decided. Whoever im dating isnt the last person, and if I dont give it a try, then of course it'll go wrong. ANd loving someone oerfectyl is not finding the perfect person pefectly, but perfectly inding the imperfect person. Yup.

Im making sense to myself at least.

And I decided, whatver I hold onto, it lets me down. Apart from one thing. Music. It's never let me down. {Well, apart from McFly, they;'re crap, lol.} So music is becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life. I'm ALWAYS listening to or playing it or writing songs in my head or singing to myself. It's become somewhat of an obsession that I rely on and wont let me down. Also, my taste in music is broadeneing. I used to just like rock but now I also like death metal, R'n'B, classical and blues. Nothing I dont like infact. And my favourite song right now is Rihanna and Umbrela but I cant seem to find it to download it

I'm down to earth n my own little world.......where people are music notes

Also, I have a job now Eco Park. A little theme park by Gullivers Land which is part of it. Wooo.

Still not entirly sure on my future career...I mean, yeah I wanan be a police woman, but even though I havnt taken the right subjects, social workr is becoming more and more appealing...

Anyway, thats my ramble about nothing in particular.

Hold strong people

The present is just a pleasent interuption to the past

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Wonderful Watchers:


Clubs:
:Iconemo-club:

First of all it was hell. I randomly burst into tears. I felt like death. I blocked myself off from social things. I listened to songs that didn't really help.
MCR-I don't love you
James Blunt-goodbye my lover
Bon Jovi-I will love you always
And I listened to our three songs.
Infact, I was so upset that I thought maybe I should try and get you back. After all, it was sort of my fault. My fault you said you loved me and always would but now say your not sure if you even do anymore. That you said you'de choose me over him anyday but then go for him....
On my quest to get you back, I thought I'de learn to play your favourite song, which is one of our songs. But to do that i'de have to learn to play piano. So I got my dad's keyboard out, rented out a few books from the library, and got going.
But as I was playing I realised how beautiful it sounded. How I could create something so wonderful with just my fingures. Then I realised what was wrong, and what I needed to do.
I neede to get out of Tunnel Vision
Something I made up. It's where you get so envolved and in love with someone that they're all you see, think about, and live for. Then, when you get out of the Tunnel you realise how beautiful the rest of the world is. It may have changed a little since you left it, but it's still as amazing.
So, I stuck on Bon Jovi's 'Unbreakable' and smiled.
Next day, had a day out with mates and had lots of fun. I remembered how wonderful they were. Are should I say.And there i was., Out of Tunnel Vision.

And that, is how I got over you.

In less than a week. So come on world, I've had it all now, so throw what you got at me. Cause this girl isn't backing down. Isn't breaking down for nothing. She's stronger than ever before and ready for whatever is thrown at her. So watch out. Cause whatever she does, she'll be smiling.